In response to the Crowthorne Eye’s rather one-sided promotion of the local Conservative MP’s National views in a local paper, local resident, Anthony Rea, has responded with the following letter offering some additional points that Mr Sunderland might like to make…

“Dear Mr Sunderland,

In recent editions of the Crowthorne Eye you have been keen to express your views on national matters you believe to be of interest to residents. In case you are struggling for ideas for the next edition I have some ideas for material that should interest a cross section of the community:

Retirees

The good news is that if you are in receipt of a state pension the government will now be able to access your bank details just in case you might be commiting some kind of fraud. I know this intrudes on your privacy but I’m sure you’ll agree this is very reassuring.

Care Homes

There are several in the area and I would like to assure you that although potential overseas employees will no longer be able to bring their spouse into the country I’m sure this won’t matter to them and you will have no problem in attracting new staff. Likewise, don’t worry that the spouses of existing employees will likely be deported when they come to renew their visas. Your overseas staff are here to look after our old people not their own family.

Young people

Just a word of advice, be careful not to fall in love with anyone who isn’t British because there’s no way we are going to let you marry them and live together in this country. Although the good news is that they will be more than welcome if you earn over £38,700. I’m sure you’ll agree that money is far more important than love and happiness.

Tax Payers

More good news because, although the tax burden will be at its highest since World War 2, this means that we have been able to afford to spaff up the wall, sorry, I mean give Rwanda £240m in return for..🤔. For good measure we’ll also throw in a bit of international law breaking and ignore some of this woke human rights nonsense.

Part-time/Zero Hours Contracts

Don’t worry if you don’t earn enough to pay tax because we’re changing the law on how employers can calculate your overtime and holiday pay. It might mean you get a bit less but it will reduce the admin burden on employers so good news really. As you can see there is something for everyone.

And to think they call us the NASTY party.”